All This Time
by lyrical-harmonies
Summary: "So," he avoids eye contact, struggling to stay nonchalant, "are you back for good, or is this just the next stop on your journey to self-discovery?" Tiva reunion with slight romantic undertones.


**A/N:** Songfic inspired by Marie Mena's "All This Time (Pick-Me-Up Song)". Though, I must say, the story doesn't have a whole lot to do with the lyrics.

* * *

_You self-destructed little girl  
Pick yourself up, don't blame the world  
So you screwed up  
You're gonna be okay_

* * *

Despite Gibbs's reassurances, she's scared.

She feels like she's had her hand poised, ready to knock on his door for ages, when she hears the doorknob twist and the door swings in.

This is it: the moment of truth.

He seems to register her presence right away, but the realization has left him paralyzed.

"Ziva," he whispers, as if speaking too loudly will break this dream.

She nods softly.

"Tony," she says, and the name feels like life on her lips.

He goes to wrap his arms around her, but she stops him quickly.

"Please, do not touch me. Not yet." And although she can tell he is reluctant, he complies with her request.

He takes a moment, drinking in the sight of her, before he seems to come to his senses and invites her in.

She steps through the doorway and makes her way to the couch, and for a moment, she is able to pretend that nothing has changed- that she never left.

Her reverie is broken when he clears his throat.

"I'm going to call the boss, tell him I won't be in today," he says.

"That's not necessary-" she argues, but he interrupts.

"There's no way I'm going to get any work done today anyway, knowing you are here," he sighs, honesty flooding his voice. "So, let me call Gibbs, and then we can talk."

She nods, trying to keep the tears in.

"I would like that."

* * *

_Now call your boyfriend and apologize  
You pushed him pretty far away last night  
He really loves you  
You just don't always love yourself_

* * *

She hears him on the phone, his voice muffled through the kitchen door. Gibbs doesn't seem to put up much resistance, but after their visit last night, he probably expects this call.

He pokes his head through the door to ask her a question.

"Would you be up for some visitors? Maybe tonight?"

"Tonight would be good," she smiles hesitantly, nervous, yet excited at the thought of seeing her friends- her family.

"You sure?" he confirms, still uncertain of her current mental state.

"Yes, Tony. I am sure. It will be good to see them," she nods. Tony disappears back into the kitchen and she hears him confirm plans with Gibbs.

He hangs up and once again pushes through the door, this time carrying a tray with a teapot and two mugs. She looks at him gratefully as he sets the tray on the coffee table and takes his place on the couch next to her.

She picks a teabag from the assortment laid out on the tray before placing it in the mug she has claimed as hers and pouring the hot water over it. Once she has completed the process, Tony repeats it for himself using the other mug. She clasps the mug between her hands, and the warmth gives her courage she is not sure was there before.

"So, how have you been?" he asks, and she can feel the weight behind the seemingly normal question.

"I have been..." she trails off, searching for the right word. When she can't find it, she settles for "well. And you?" she continues.

"I've been better," he sighs, shrugging. "But, I've also been worse. It's really good to see you, Ziva."

"Likewise, Tony," she admits, meeting his eye. They lock for a moment too long before he turns away.

"So," he avoids eye contact, struggling to stay nonchalant, "are you back for good, or is this just the next stop on your journey to self-discovery?" It is the question they have both been dreading.

She pauses, inhaling deeply, before answering, hoping that he'll react positively to her response.

"It is both, I think."

His head snaps to looks at her.

"Really?" She can see in his eyes that he doesn't quite believe her, and it breaks her heart.

"Yes, really," she confirms. "I have grieved and I have mourned and I believe I have come to terms with my past, by myself, as I needed to, but this next step is something I do not think I can do on my own."

"And what is that?" he asks. She sees him move to place a hand on her knee, but he seems to think better of it and returns his hand to his own knee.

She looks him in the eye and takes his hand.

"It is time I learn to love myself."

* * *

_So you've had some detours, some stupid men  
Now we know what not to do again  
Besides you lucked out  
Finally_

* * *

It pains him to know she doesn't already, but he's also so grateful that it has brought her back into his life.

"I think I can help you with that," he smiles softly, squeezing her hand. He longs to tell her that there is no one better suited for the job, but refrains, afraid it will scare her away.

And suddenly she is in his arms, holding onto him for dear life.

"I missed you, Tony," she whispers in his ear and he wraps his arms around her tightly, relishing the feeling of holding her again after all this time.

He sighs and kisses her head.

"I missed you too, Zi."

And there are still so many things to discuss, so many questions still unanswered. There are so many hurts that still need to heal and so many tears that still need to be shed.

But she's there, and they can't help but feel that it's a good start.

* * *

_All this time  
All this time  
You have had it in you  
You just sometimes need a push_

* * *

**A/N:** I can't believe I just wrote that. I don't actually even like _NCIS_, but my sister's obsessed and _Tiva_. Anyways, I have some ideas for related one-shots, but I don't know if they'll ever actually get written down, so this is complete for now. There was so much more to this story in my head, but that felt like a really good place to end it, so I did. Tell me what you think?


End file.
